Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
