This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
