I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
