i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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