Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
