I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
