I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
