i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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