I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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