May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
