Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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