Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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