I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
