It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
