At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
