Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
