I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
