oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
