Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
