Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
