I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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