What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize