what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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