I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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