I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
