he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
