Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
