Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
