my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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