i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
