Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
