I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
