Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
