wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
