I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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