AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
