My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
