You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
