So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
