You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
