We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
