he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
