Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
