I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
