I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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