You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
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Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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