at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
