I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
