I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
