I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
