Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
