My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
