Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
