i think my tv is drunk
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
