here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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