just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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