So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
