I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
