her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
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She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
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Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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