Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my liver is dry heaving
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
