There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
