like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
