screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
