It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
