Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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