just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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