I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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