I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
