i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
