Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
