She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
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Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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